Finding my Happy

My word for 2015 is Change and alot has to change
I am ready to find my HAPPY again.
Courage, laughter, tears, love, photos - all these things will be involved in finding my happy and letting Change happen

In the mean time I will use my photography  as therapy to get me through the changes.

Photography keeps me going

I find no matter what is going on in my life, as long as I have a camera, I can get through it.

I am always taking photos whether I am at work, at lunch with a co worker, pet sitting, dog walking, at home, on the train, in the car.....  I have this desire to take photos.  I find that it is my therapy.

NYC with a Pink sister and then time in Long Beach, NY

Beautiful flowers as a thank you

I photographed a ceremony a few weeks ago for a co worker and she brought me these gorgeous flowers today to say thank you

From where I stand

My favorite shoe boots and they are 25 years old - yes they are I have taken very good care of them

Love of my Life

Depression and anxiety are a part of our life now and I don't like it.  Greg has been suffering from it since loosing the routine of a job he had for over 20 yrs.  its not like the job paid well or had great benefits but he got use to the routine and now that's gone.  Ugh!!  This is one ride I do not want to be one.  I need sleep, we need a place of our own and I want our old life back.  Most of all I want to see Greg smile and laugh again. 

Communion Photos for Gabrielle

Sneak peak at the communion photos I took for Gabrielle and her family 5.10.14.  She was so sweet and shy.  All she wanted to do was take her shoes off because her feet hurt.  Her sister in the yellow dress just does not like having her photos taken but I got a few good ones of her. 

liberate your art - Blog Hop

I have been a part of Liberate Your Art since its beginning in 2011.  I had been following Kat's blog and when she posted that she wanted to start a postcard swap with other artist, I knew I had to be apart of it.
As it turns out I had just been diagnosed with Breast Cancer in 2011, so sharing my photos with other artists and photographers would help me through my chemo treatment.
so this is year as I am trying to get my new normal life together.

   

    An InLinkz Link-up
   

the Chemo Port

2 1/2 yrs after having it put in, I had chemo port removed April 2, 2014.  Surgery always makes me nervous.  My surgeon snapped this photo of the port after taking it out and cleaning it up.   Yes I wanted to photograph it but the "happy juice" knocks me right out in OR!!  I am a light weight!!

the Chemo Port is OUT!!

Yes I had surgery to remove it April 2.  Here are some photos of Art work by my co worker and friend Andi to celebrate the removal of the Chemo port.  I didn't get to take photos in operating room because I went right out when they gave me the happy juice.  Oh well maybe at the follow up visit I get a photo of the port so you see what was inside me for 2 1/2 yrs.  I feel a freedom now that it is out. 
I will be going to see Rock of Ages with my sister in law on Sunday to celebrate the removal - so excited to see this show.
Peace love photography!!

Artwork by Andi before de-porting

Art work by Andi the day after the de-porting

New camera - mojo is back

“In the Book of Life, The answers aren't in the back.” ― Charles M. Schulz

3 yrs ago today Feb 21, 2011 Monday

Feb 21, 2011 Monday my journey began with a sore left breast and lots of test until May 24, 2011 when I heard the words "you have cancer!"

I am a photographer so taking photos is my stress reliever and therapy.  I photographed my journey and am work on putting a book together to inspire and share with others my journey.   I had 4 books I read while on my journey but being a photographer I wanted something visual.   I was so excited when I ran across the "The Battle we Didn't Choose (my wife's fight with breast Cancer)" on CNN one morning at work.  Finally photos of what someone was going through.

I fell in love with the black and white photos Angelo Merendino took of his wife Jennifer as she went through her battle with the breast cancer that came back.  Angelo's photos of Jennifer were so powerful in black and white and they showed me what I might go through if my cancer came back.  I was going through radiation by the time I saw their story but those photos WOW!!!!   I contacted Angelo to see if I could attend the show he was having in NYC so excited to see the photos in person.  I was shocked when I first read Angelo's reply - he said I couldn't attend the opening reception.  What are you kidding me.... then I read the rest of the email because I was still in treatment and my immune system was so low he wanted me to come the day before to meet him as he hung the photos.  Awesome! 
I arrived at the gallery and felt right at home with Angelo and 2 of their friends.  I have to admit I was totally in Awe of his work and it didn't sink in until later that it was Jan 20, 2012 and Jennifer had just passed away Dec.21, 2011.  Angelo is such a strong man and his passion for photography and his wife was very present in every photo.  I have kept in touch with Angelo via FB and tell everyone I meet about this amazing man, his beautiful wife and the incredible black and white photos.

Angelo and friend hanging his photos of Jennifer.

“Love every morsel of the people in your life.” – Jennifer Merendino

I will admit working on my photo book I feel like it will never compare to Angelo's powerful BW photos of Jennifer or the other photo book I came across was Kiki's Courage and I know I just have to remember all our stories are different.

I just want to show you what it was like for me and also inspire others if I can to try art therapy.   I used my phone alot or a point and shoot and photograph myself and what is happening to me so you don't need a professional camera.  Trust me when my arm was bothering me or the port was making me nuts it was easier to pull out the phone and capture the moment than run upstairs for the Big Girl Camera!!!   What I believe is photography helped me and art will help you.... even if it is just coloring in a coloring book.  I handed out quite a few of those to people with crayons when i sat in waiting rooms.  ha!!  

Peace Love Photography

New Camera - new projects

I bought a camera over the weekend from my friend Debra.  She is an amazing photographer and is the one pushing me to do my book.  Debra was right, the Olympus OM-D E-M5 is an amazing camera and I am in love.  It is small and easy to use and I can easily carry it on my doctors appts to continue documenting my journey with Stage 3A triple negative Breast Cancer.

New projects I am working on include trees, shoes and skulls.....  as well as continue documenting my journey.

Below are some of the photos I took of trees in snow, skulls and a recent MRI test!!!

“The important thing is not the camera but the eye.” – Alfred Eisenstaedt 

Love when I can help people see the Beauty

I posted the photo below of a rusted chair in the snow in our backyard and got the best comment from a friend - Kim said - "you never stop amazing me.... I walk past this type of stuff and don't even notice it - you take a picture of it and I think "holy crap, that's beautiful"!" 
I love that I can do that for a person/friend.
I am glad I could help her see and maybe help her to start noticing the beauty in the world around her more.
Take the time in your busy day to see that the snow on a rusted chair, that small flower in the crack of the sidewalk or that red leaf that fell just right in the green grass. 

More Tests!!!

I am going for an x-ray today.  Finally on the ribs that have bothered me since surgery but the doctors believe its nothing to worry about. 
A person with TNBC (triple negative breast cancer) gets tired of all the tests and the worrying whether or not that pain is the cancer coming back.  I am sure all cancer patients have that fear. 

I have a friend going through Lymphoma and when she goes for chemo I take a photo of myself in purple to keep her smiling!  It's my way of trying to let her know I am here for her.

So today I post this photo for ME to make myself remember to always smile and laugh and most of all to LIVE!!!!

Here's my kick butt photo that I took for my friend Kim a couple wks ago - I like this selfie of myself.

Breast Cancer month - then there was - Pink

Yep, it's October and that means Breast Cancer awareness Month.

Last night I attended a "ceremony" in Nassau county for Breast cancer called "Glow of Hope" - finally I was invited to something to meet other BC survivors.

The speeches were nice, I saw my surgeon, and the 2 ladies from Pathways - they are certified Lymphedema Specialists.  I took photos of the people speaking and thought of my chemo buddy Antionette, she passed away earlier this Year.  I miss her everyday, I am alone in this journey without her to talk to.  We lit Candles and had a group photo taken in front of the Legislative building.  And then my night of being near other BC people was over with - ha!!

Happy October people!!!!!

Theodore Roosevelt Executive & Legislative Building went Pink with Sweet Adeline singers singing

Fresh Perspective

 "There is nothing like a little fresh air to give us a fresh perspective."
-Tracey Clark from Elevate the Everyday

Chair in Ocean Novmeber 2012 - after hurricane Sandy

When you are truly comfortable in your own skin

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When you are truly comfortable in your own skin, not everyone will like you, but you won’t care about it one bit!

this was me January 2012 - photo taken by my dear friend/photographer Debra Rothenberg 

 

 When I was going through all the treatments, surgery, doctors appts,  and exams that go along with Breast Cancer.  I never once lost my sense of humor or smile.  I have always been comfortable with myself and never really cared what strangers or loved ones had to say about me.  I love the way I am and I am not changing for anyone.  When this photo was taken my hair was starting to grow back already and I got alot of stares from people who I sometimes responded to by sticking my tongue out.  ha! It usually made them laugh and I would tell them chem took my hair but not my zest for life. Sometimes I would say to people "Take a Photo it last longer!" 
Peace love Photography - that's my motto.

“life is my favorite side effect…”

I have to say it's hard sometimes keeping smile on my face everyday but I did it through Cancer treatments and I will do it the rest of my life.  I try to find a happy thought that will get me through the hardest times and laugh at most everything.
Don't ever tell me I can do anything because I have been through Breast Cancer, scans, what seems like endless doctor appts, chemotherapy, radiation and 2 surgeries.  when life gets hard I say bring it on!!!

“life is my favorite side effect…”

A friend gave me this scarf while I was going through treatment - love it - I am a Warrior of life

Beautiful Day

You don't know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have.

- unknown

I had my head painted 4 times while going through chemo - this painting session was for my last chemo.  To be continued means to me life goes on.   I never knew how strong I could be until I got diagnosed with breast cancer in 2011